Conversation I Had with My Cat Today
me: STOP IT.
cat: Meow.
me: I'M TRYING TO COOK.
cat: Meow, meow.
me: GET OFF THE STOVE. THERE IS NOTHING FOR YOU HERE.
cat: Meow!
me: SINCE WHEN DO YOU LIKE EGGS.
cat: Meow, meow, meow!
me: LIES! WE BOTH KNOW YOU'VE NEVER EVEN TASTED AN EGG BEFORE.
cat: Meow.
me: No. You would not like them.
cat: Meow, meow.
me: No, you would not like them on a train. And you would not like them on a plane. Since when do you have all these plans to travel anyway? Where is this money coming from?
cat: Meow!
me: I SAID GET OFF THE STOVE.
cat: Meow, meow!
me: DON'T BITE ME.
cat: Meow.
me: No, not you ow. ME. Ow. My ankle is bleeding, you bastard.
cat: Meow.
me: That's it. Get in the oven.
cat: Meow.
me: GET IN THE OVEN.
cat: Meow.
me: Oh, you don't want to get in the oven? And why is that, I wonder?
cat: Meow, meow.
me: BULLSHIT! We both know you don't want to get in the oven because of the last time you jumped in the oven!
cat: Meow.
me: Look. You have two options here. You either get off the stove, or you get in the oven.
cat: Meow.
me: LICKING THE POCAHONTAS CUP WAS NOT AN OPTION.
cat: Meow, meow.
me: Great. Now there are cat hairs in my cup.
cat: Meow?
me: YOU KNOW I DON'T OWN ANY PLATES.
cat: Meow, meow?
me: YOU KNOW I DON'T OWN ANY BOWLS, EITHER.
cat: Meow.
me: You did this on purpose.
cat: Meow.
me: You don't respect me.
cat: Meow, meow.
me: Please. Just get in the oven.
"Natasha Ferrier is absolutely HILARIOUS." - Natasha Ferrier, self-quoter
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