When My Cat Gets Freaky

Today's Conversation with My Cat

me: I'm trying to sleep, Leeloo. Please stop licking my face.

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: Okay, enough. I appreciate it, really, I do, but I can't sleep with you doing that.

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: OW! Not on the forehead! Your tongue is too scratchy for the thin skin up there!

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: No, don't go back to the cheek! You've been licking that for ten minutes!

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: MY CHEEK IS RAW, LEELOO.

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: IT'S SIX IN THE MORNING. PLEASE STOP.

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: Are you listening to a word I say?

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: You could at least lick something that would feel nice. Like my ear.

cat: (starts licking my ear)

me: Okay this is getting weird. 

cat: (licking my ear)

me: No, really. This is making me uneasy. Please stop licking my ear.

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLY SENSUAL, LEELOO. STOP.

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: I need to get you a girlfriend.

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: That's right, lick your balls. Whatever makes you feel better.

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: NOT ON MY LIPS! YOU JUST LICKED YOUR TESTICLES!

cat: (lick lick lick)

me: I give up.