JAIL BAIT!

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"I'M GOIN' TO JAIL!"

Yeah. Just for the record, when I'm in college I'm not going to show up at high school parties. And if by chance I did show up at a high school party, I wouldn't alert those under eighteen that after having the sex I am planning on having with them, I would be going to jail since I am in college at a high school party because obviously I need to get people wasted to get them to sleep with me. Because I'm in college at a high school party. Pointing at hot people screaming, "JAIL BAIT!" because I'm cocky. Pointing at ugly people screaming, "JAIL BAIT!" because I'm desperate. Pointing at the dog screaming, "JAIL BAIT!" because I'm wasted. Pointing at the gangsta screaming, "BROTHA!" because I think that showing everyone how "cool" I am with the homedawgs hides the fact that I'm in college at a high school party and though I'm screaming, "JAIL BAIT!" at every girl with legs, none of them seem to be the slightest bit interested. Maybe that's because I'm in college at a high school party. YEAH.

"I REMEMBER YOU!"

"Yes you do."

"Wait, don't tell me...DON'T TELL ME...NATASHA! Told ya I remembered!"

As if him remembering who I am just made my night. Like he's the kind of guy who goes around "making people's nights."

"Yep that's me."

"Bet ya don't remember me, do ya?"

This is the part where I admit I know his name and he gets all cocky and all "of course she knows me name I'm So-and-So So-and-So" and I'm all like "screw you pal" and he's all like, "man she digs me" and I'm all like "no no" and he's all like "JAIL BAIT!"

"No. Sorry."

So let's just skip all that because either way he'll end up screaming, "JAIL BAIT!"

"JAIL BAIT!"

Told ya.

"Why haven't I seen you here before?"

"It's my first time."

"There's a first for everything, you know."

Yeah like me ramming my foot up your ass. That'd be a first.

"I have parties at my crib all the time. You should come."

Your crib? Yeah I'll be sure to drop by with a rattle and a ba-ba.

"Yeah maybe."

"Really. Except last night sucked. See this guy right here?"

He points to the only Asian person in the room.

"You feel weird man? You feel like the walls are closin' in on ya?"

"You mean cause I'm the only Chinese guy?"

"Yeah. I know how you feel man."

"You were the only white guy at your party last night?"

"Nah man. I was the only attractive guy at my party last night."

I can't believe people like this even exist.

"Seriously! I was literally in a room FILLED with ugly people. It was awful. I knew exactly what it felt like to be a minority."

Yeah, like you feel right now? Being the only college dude at a high school party? Like that, you mean?

"Yeah, so I ditched that scene."

"Wasn't it your party?"

"Yeah, but I had to get out of there and find some hot people. I was goin' crazy!"

It's not that college people aren't welcome. I love the college kiddies. But the cool ones are the ones who DON'T show up at high school parties. Probably because they're cool. No cool cats at any coral I've been to, just the losers. The ones lookin' for jail bait. If you want to go to jail so bad, why don't you go snatch an old lady's orthopedic shoes right off of her feet? Or pull a Foot Stomper and just stomp on some old lady's orthopedic shoes? Or take a pair of orthopedic shoes and chuck them at an old lady? There are a million possibilities. At least I'm learning from this. Learning that I am NOT going to ANY high school function WHATSOEVER once I graduate. Even if I could pull off looking like a high school student, which I could, how embarrassing would it be when I was discovered?

"So, do you have Crazy Mr. Morrison?"

"No..."

"Who do you have for History?"

"Professor Hudgens."

"Professor?"

"I'm in college."

"COLLEGE? AT A HIGH SCHOOL PARTY? BAHAHAHAHAHA!"

or...

"Hey NATASHA!"

"HEY!"

"What are YOU doing here?"

"Uhhh...I mean, it's a party..."

"LOVED HIGH SCHOOL SO MUCH YOU HAD TO COME BACK FOR ME, EH?"

"I just want to party..."

"DIDN'T GET INVITED TO ANY COLLEGE PARTIES SO YOU HAD TO BACK TRACK TO THE GLORY DAYS, EH?"

"I just thought I'd drop by..."

"THOUGHT YOU'D LOOK REALLY COOL BEING THE OLDEST ONE IN AN ENTIRE HOUSE JAM-PACKED WITH PEOPLE, EH?"

"I'm gonna go..."

or...

"Hey pretty lady, what grade are you in?"

"I'm a freshman. A freshmen at---"

"Watch out for guys on the prowl for jail bait..good thing I'm seventeen."

"You're seventeen?"

"That's right. I'm a senior, little freshmen. I'm just not eighteen yet."

"Uh-oh."

"What?"

"JAIL BAIT!"