The Missing Pants

When it comes to school bathrooms, there are two types of people: those who dare to take a dump, and those who don't. When you immediately detect the foul stench upon entering the bathroom, what do you think? Do you think, "Wow, that's gross." NO. You think, "Man, that person had a lot of balls." Because if you decide to empty your bowels during school, people are gonna know, and they're gonna talk. Why? Because people have no lives and the most interesting topic of conversation is of course, 'hey, who took a shit in the bathroom in the math hallway?' The utter embarrassment of it all not only includes the people who immediately vacate the stall next door, but the ones who walk into the stall screaming, "EEUUUHH! IT STANKS IN HERE!" And then comes the moment when you eventually must leave the stall you are in, and face the people who stayed a couple minutes longer just to see who exactly it was that was making those noises that come from one place and one place only. So I'd like to recognize the courageous ones who couldn't wait until they got home, who didn't mind stinking up an entire bathroom with one visit, who have done it once and will do it again. And again. And again. This one's for you, public-poopers. May the stench be with you.

"I feel awkward changing in front of all these people."

"Just change in the stall."

"Good idea."

At the time it had in fact seemed like a good idea, until...

"I'm sorry, I have to come in."

"I...what? Hey...!"

"I'm sorry. I have to lock the door."

"What?!"

Not only was I crammed into a stall, I was now crammed into a stall with a girl I did not even know. We were close. Awkwardly close. And she had locked the door. Two girls. One stall. This was definitely not right.

"Excuse me."

"Where are you going?"

"I need to get out."

"Why?"

"This stall ain't big enough for the both of us."

At the time, leaving the stall seemed like the perfectly logical thing to do, but once I had escaped, I immediately wished to turn back.

"Uhhh..."

The girl washing her hands at the sink seemed to be missing something.

"Uhhh..."

Her pants.

"Wha..."

A considerably large girl standing in front of a considerably large mirror with a considerably small pair of underwear.

"Pants..."

As if awkwardly saying the word 'pants' would make them appear on the girl. I realized she could see me staring through the reflection in the mirror. It probably looked like I was just starting at her butt. Her pantless butt.

"Uhhh..."

The girl just smiled at me. Where exactly were her pants? I looked around. They were nowhere to be seen.

"MAN THAT STALL IS STANKY! SOMEONE HAD BURRITOS FO' LUNCH!"

"YEAH GURL, IT WAS ME! I MADE DA STANKY!"

"GURL I DONE IT BEFO' TOO! JUS DAT ONE TIME THOUGH."

"YEAH GURL I REMEMBER! DAT TIME YOU HAD DEM TACOS?"

"YEAH GURL DAT WAS IT!"

I wonder what goes on in the boy's bathroom...