Tuesday, April 30, 2013

As and Gays

"just to be honest...i am gay."

This was the text I received after going back inside to sit and drink with my friends. I look up at the author of this text, who happened to be seated across from me.

"Did you just send me this?"


"You texted me while I was outside?"

Then I hear a snicker from another friend in the room.

"I took his phone and wrote that ahahahaha!" he laughs.

"PROOF!" I shout as I plot to forward his text to everyone in my phone. I try to refrain from using cliches, mainly because my spell check doesn't put that little dash above the "e" and I'm a spelling Nazi, but this is an opportune time to state, Seemed like a good idea at the time. I'd like to follow that cliche with yet another: Blame it on the alcohol. Since I'm on a roll now, let's wrap this up with, Lemme buy you a drank. Okay, so that last one doesn't really have anything to do with this situation, nor is it a cliche. I'd just really like someone to buy me a drink. Honesty is the best policy. Alright, I'm stopping now. If at first you don't succeed...OKAY I'M DONE.

I go to the contacts in my phone and click "Select All." Unfortunately/fortunately, my phone allows only ten recipients at a time. The text forwarded to the first ten As in my phone. Immediately, I start getting responses. Immediately, I am confused.

A-Name #1 - Oh really now?

A-Name #2 - What...lol I met you once lol I haven't even called or texted u but with that being said that's a shame

I look up toward my friends.

"Wait, if I forward a text to someone, they see who wrote it initially, right?"

"No, it just says it's from you."


"Did you really send it?"


"Well they're gonna think it's from you."

A-Name #3 - Who is this lol

A-Name #4 - Ya u r

A-Name #5 - Lol!!! That's why ur bf is so short?! Jkjk

A-Name #6 - Lol i am kind of gay too lol...pan really

I'm not really sure what "pan really" means, but I also wasn't sure who this person was, either. This is what I get for drunkenly agreeing to put people's numbers into my phone.

On a different note, I've never seen so many "lols" in my lifetime.

The texts keep coming, but were from the same seven A-Names from before. While this was stressful enough, what's even scarier is the three As who felt the need NOT to respond; for example, one of my co-workers who I barely know.

I take this time to send out another text to these ten victims, a text that said something along the lines of, "SOMEONE TOOK MY PHONE. DISREGARD THAT LAST TEXT."

This didn't really seem to help.

Another A-Name - Lol I mean you don't have to lie to me baby gurl I treat you gooooood ahahahaha jkjkjk

And Another - I doubt you even remember me

Well you're right about that.

Then Another - Lol have a good night

I can't tell if this person was convinced or not. 

The bright side to all of this was that my phone does NOT send mass texts to every contact in my phone. The downside is that there still remained one person who believed I was secretly gay.

A-Name #7 - No fuckin way...all this time

And I don't even know who this person is. But apparently they've known me "all this time."

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