Monday, December 9, 2013

AA for Pre-K

Weekly Recap: I Started to Google "Who is on - " and the first thing that popped up was " - the dime." Weird thing is, that's exactly what I was going to type. Poor Roosevelt. First polio, then a premeditated google search. 

Random Thing #1

Recently, I got a notice from my property managers informing me of a "rental unit inspection" in 2 days. My apartment is full of troll dolls, Pez dispensers, Muppet masks, Gremlins action figures, and beer.

...they're going to think I'm running an AA program for Pre-K.

(However, this is a different kind of AA. This is not Alcoholics Anonymous; this is Anonymous Alcoholics - which means we still drink. But we do it...anonymously.)

Random Thing #2

Pulling together a last-minute costume is difficult when your wardrobe is 100% black. My only options are "me" and "the shadow of me."

Or I could try and pull off The Goth Lebowski?

Random Thing #3

The Previously Mentioned Costume Party

stranger: Oh my god, you're Jack the Ripper!

...did I mention I was not in costume?

Random Thing #3

Recent Conversation with the Gas Station Cashier

me: Can I get two dollars on pump one?

cashier: Two dollars? HAHA!

me: Um, yes.

cashier: You broke, yes? You very broke! HAHA!

me: Yes. I am broke. Um. Here you go. It's all in...dimes.

cashier: HAHA so, so broke!

...I guess two dollars just doesn't make it rain like it used to.

Random Thing #4

Every time I hear, "sleeping in Versace shirts," I picture R. Kelly, trapped in Versace's closet, stealing his pajamas.

Random Thing #5

BREAKING NEWS: Naked Nicolas Cage pics have been discovered and released.

...this gives a whole new meaning to "Raising Arizona."

Random Thing #6

When Drunken Phone Conversations Remind You What a Drunken Phone Conversation Sounds Like

Me: I got a Planet Terror poster!

Friend: You got a Planned Parenthood poster?

Me: What? No. That's not what I said.

Well, folks! This has been your weekly recap, reminding you that anyone can be mistaken for a serial killer, Planned Parenthood is now selling wall art, and dimes don't count as money!

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