How can Marge gain any more weight, you wonder. How can she be THAT big, you ask. How does she have room for that chocolate cake made for the Trunchbull herself, you ponder in awe. Well, SHE DOES. And she'll have room for more even before she "drops the kids off at the pool," but would she ever of had to purchase that XXXLLLMMXL Mu-Mu if she had never gotten weened off of the Gerber diet? NO. (Unless she was Dominik DiNapoli, but that's a different story.) Baby food = Baby Weight. What? You don't want the body of a baby? Dimples in all FOUR cheeks? Itsy-bitsy pot belly that people like to rub? Chubsy-ubsy thighs that ya just wanna grab a chunk of and shake 'em like a couple of salt shakers? Or money makers? Or the asses of bakers? Have you ever heard of an ugly baby? (The Penguin doesn't count.) And if you thought a baby was ugly, would you say, "Dude, what an ugly baby." NO. Because you would be shunned and forever deemed A Baby Hater. Which by the way, is just not excepted in American society. In other societies, you can throw babies in the river, or feed 'em to the dingoes, but in America? I don't think so.
Other than the Damn-you're-huge Dilemma, have you ever wondered why moms always eat their baby's food as they're feeding it to them? Yeah, "so the baby will eat it." Yeah RIGHT. If you jumped off a cliff, would your baby? NO. Not only because babies can't jump, but because babies would be like, "You know, though my mom just decided to plunge into the ocean, I'd really rather plunge into this welcoming jar of Mushed Turkey and Carrots." Because it's delectable, and moms KNOW IT. Admit it? Never. But know it? Always.
ECONOMIC CRISIS. We're in the middle of one, and you're spending your money on things like spoons? Do people in third-world countries worry themselves with spoons? Do aliens saucer on over to purchase spoons? Does my grandpa ever find the need to use a spoon? Do you realize, and I'm not even mentioning the pots, pans, forks, knives, beaters, can openers, corkscrews, or those rubber things you use to open the mayonnaise, how much MONEY you would SAVE if you didn't spend it on spoons? Save your money, people. If you wanna spoon, do it in bed.
Now, baby food isn't for everyone. It will only be the biggest epiphany you've ever had in your mouth to babies, toddlers, children, tweens, teenagers, young adults, middle-aged men (yes, even you too, Mike Myers), middle-aged women, not-quite old-but-almost-old people, people in their 70's and up. So if you do not fit into any of those categories, I am sorry, baby food was just not meant for you. Morgan Spurlock may have said, "Supersize Me," but Natasha Ferrier says, GERBERFY ME...BABY.