Monday, February 23, 2009

Genital or Mental

The great thing about a "turn-on" is that the littlest thing can do it.

"You know that guy Josh is in a band?"

"Oh my god, that's SO hot!"

"I know, right?!"

"I wanna DO him."

"I know, right?!"

"Because he's in a BAND."

"SO in a band."

"SO wanna do him."

"SO in a band."


Or, from a fella's point of view.

"Did you see that chick, Kate?"

"Nah, but I saw her tits!"

"Dude, that's what I was talkin' about!"

"Hellzzzz YEAH!"

It seems that many girls and guys share the same "turn-ons." If a girl doesn't talk about her weight 24/7? TURN-ON. If a girl has an ass? TURN-ON. If a girl has a friend with an ass? TURN-ON. And for girls' turn ons, which is more my forte...if a guy treats his mom well? TURN ON. If a guy leans on something when he talks to you? TURN ON. If a guy has a crooked smile? TURN ON. If a guy hasn't shaved in a few days and has grown out some stubble and his hair is kinda messy because he hasn't washed it in a few days and he has on a black t-shirt? TURN-ON. That last one may be more on a personal note...The point is, it's the littlest thing that does it. The slightest move or the tone of a voice can be like BAM!

"Did you see how he picked the pepporonnis off of that slice of pizza? GOD, that was sexy!"


"Did you see him rubbing his pecks horizontally across his torso like that? GOD, please get on me now!"


"Did you see him staring at his reflection in the window as he passed by it? LOSER."

That's right, just as the slightest thing can turn a person on, the slightest thing can turn a person
off. It's sad, but it's true. It may also be shallow, but if the world wasn't shallow we all wouldn't read the tabloids, now would we? We all wouldn't make fun of people, now would we? We all wouldn't masturbate to porn, now would we? (Those would be rhetorical questions, please keep all answers to yourself. I don't need to know if you jack off to naked cyber chicks, because I already assume that you do.) You could like someone for months, months! And yet one thing they do, just one little itsy-bitsy tiny thing that they probably didn't even realize they're doing, (those things tend to be the most embarrassing, the things you don't realize you're doing. Yeah, those would be the ones everyone else realizes you're doing. Example? Picking at your pimples. Moving on.) that one thing will turn you off, and I don't mean for a little while, I mean for GOOD. There are the obvious turn-offs...

--Odor strong enough to annhilate deodorant.
--Visible crack. (That would be pertaining to both 'butt' and 'cocaine.')
--Lackin' a fanny.
--Packin' a fanny. (not 'packin' as in 'inhibiting'; 'packing' as in 'that thing in the '90's everyone wore but no one will admit to)
--A strong resemblance to Tweedle-Dum.

But those are just some obvious ones. I'm not sure what specifically turns a
guy off, wish I did, but I don't, which I've grown to accept, it's not a big deal, but if you know you can tell me, so I'm just gonna focus on the ladies. What little things can turn a woman in the opposite direction?

Scenario #1
Cheesy Pick-up Lines

"So baby, do you like making pancakes?"


"Cause you just made my heart

Scenario #2
Inappropriate Pick-up Lines

"Hey sugar, how much do you pay your gynecologist?"

"I don't really know at the top of my head...why?"

"Cause I'd be your gynecologist for

Scenario #3
Pick-up Lines That Make No Sense

"Yo baby gurl, you related to yo momma?"

"Am I related to my own mother?"

"Cause if you are, then she must be hot!"

Scenario #4
When Guys Talk Like Guys When They're Not Around Guys, Especially When They Use The "P-Word"

"I better get some pussy tonight, dude!"

"Excuse me? I'm not your dude, and I don't appreciate you using that word."

"Cooter, beaver, twat, whatever man, as long as I poke the hell outta that shit tonight!"

Scenario #5
When Guys Talk About How Hot Another Girl Is Right In Front Of You To Make You Jealous When Really They're Just Making You Feel Unwanted and Insecure And Then You'll Probably End Up Going Home and He'll Be Wondering Where He Went Wrong When You Know If He Had Been Telling You How Sexy You Looked All Night He Would Be Feelin' Happy All Night If You Know What I'm Sayin

Dialogue is a little unnecessary. Just reread the title if you're confused.

The list goes on forever, which really just makes it even sadder, that there are THAT many things that can erase your infatuation with a person for all eternity. That
obsession, that want, that need...gone. Whether or not there are more turn-ons or turn-offs, we'll never know. (Unless you sit down right now and make your own list. Have I ever made one? No. Have I ever thought about making one? Absolutely.) It's healthy to know what turns you on, otherwise you'll see someone do something hot in the middle of class and you'll be like, 'shit!', have to excuse yourself, then when you walk back in you'll stare right at them and it WILL be obvious, I assure you. Same with turn-offs. If you don't know what turns you off, you'll be dating this guy, and it will all be roses and rainbows, and then he'll do one little thing and you'll be like, "Let's not..." and he'll be like, "Not what?" and you'll be like, "Not date..." and he'll be like, "But we were just in the middle of making out!" and you'll be like, "Yeahhh...the thing with your tongue licking my front teeth just kinda sealed the deal." and he'll be like, "Sealed the deal on what?" and you'll be like, "Sealed the deal on dumping you." and he'll be like, "Really?" and you'll be like, "Yeahhhh..." So I suggest you avoid THAT awkward situation and make yourself a list. That's right, jot down those turn-ons and offs, whether they be genital or mental! I don't care! Just don't whip it out (the list) in public. That may be someone else's turn-off. (so could whipping "it" out, just in case you were desperate and contemplating it). So list it up! It's a way of "discovering your likes and dislikes." (NOT in the physical sense).


Alayne said...

Never Tweedle Dum. I agree completely. But Tweedle Dee was sort of okay ...

Ich bin mich said...

Hey Natasha? You haven't posted in awhile. I'm still reading, but there's nothing to be read... Are you OK?

Natasha said...

Dear Ich bin mich,

Man I know it. I promise a new post by the end of this week. If your pinky was nearby I'd promise the shit out of it. Thank you for asking!