Thursday, April 3, 2008

Big Blow Jojo

"Psstttt..."

Was he psstting at me?

"Psstttt..."

He could be. But what if he wasn't? How awkward would it be if I turned around and he was looking at someone completely different? Then he did look at me because he saw me looking at him, then it just looks like I've been staring a long time. Not even smooth-sly-staring, creepy-obvious-staring considering the fact that my HEAD would be TURNED about 180 DEGREES. And it's not like I could accuse HIM of staring because how would I know HE was staring if I wasn't staring in the first place? Or what if he thought I turned around to be rude because his constant psstttting was annoying? (which it was) but I'm not going to turn around just to give him a dirty look about it...but what if that's what he assumed? What if I turn around and it's that girl whose toe I stepped on yesterday and then started cracking up about it when she yelled OW in a really manly tone? What if it's the cutest guy EVER and he winks at me? What would I do? Wink back? Would that be too cheesy? Is it cheesy for him to wink in the first place? The point is, it could be anybody. It's just AWKWARD.

"Psstttt..."

Was I over analyzing this?

"Psstttt..."

"Yeah?"

"Do you do drugs?"

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"DO I DO DRUGS?"

"Shhh!"
(that was the librarian)

"Shhh!"
(that was ponytail-psstttt boy)

"Shhh!"
(I don't know who the hell that was.)

"Well, do you?"

"I don't answer personal questions."
(I have been asked if I do drugs, masturbate, and if I saw that thing on YouTube where the guy goes into the elephant's asshole all in the same setting. That is why I prefer not to answer any questions from the get-go.)

"Want some acid?"

"DO I WANT SOME ACID?"

"Shhh!"
(that was the librarian)

"Shhh!"
(that was ponytail-psstttt-acid boy)

"Shhh!"
(Who the HELL is THAT?)

"Well, do you?"

"Not only am I not going to buy acid, I am not going to buy acid from a random boy who is in the library during LUNCH. It's just SKETCHY."

"You're in the library right now."

"Yeah, but I'm typing a report, not peddlin' hallucinogens. BUD.

"It's good stuff."

"Do I LOOK like someone who does drugs?

"Yes."

"That's beside the point. And if I were to buy drugs, which I'm NOT, but if I were, it wouldn't be from someone who does A DRUG DEAL IN THE LIBRARY."

"Shhh!"
(that was the librarian)

"Shhh!"
(that was ponytail-psstttt-acid-judgemental boy)

"Shhh!"
(it's just obnoxious. really. and I would tell them that if only I knew who it was)

"People deal in the library all the time."

"Yeah. I'm sure that chick over there wearing the SCRUNCHIE reading "The Babysitter's Club" just bought some blow."

"Maybe."

"And I bet that boy over there wearing the FANNY PACK reading the only book written by WEBSTER just made 30 bucks sellin' shrooms."

"You never know."

"And I'm almost positive that girl over there with the jacket tied around her WAIST who wants to know why the caged bird sings also wants to know how to roll a doobie."

"I wouldn't be surprised."

"The go ask HER."

"But someone told me you were a huge druggie. I KNOW you want some acid."

"Someone also went around telling people I was planning on getting a mohawk for the month of May.."

"Well someone told me girls in the library are easily convinced."

"Well someone told ME your stuff SUCKS."

"Not anymore. I'm buyin' from Big Blow Jojo now."

"I think I knew a monkey by that name."

"What is it, you don't have money?"

"NO. That is NOT it."

"Then what is it?"

"That I don't DO acid, acid BOY.

"What did you just call me?"
(yes. Acid Boy is probably not the best comeback. but it would make a cool superhero. and yes, Acid Boy would fly around the city AND wear his underwear on the outside of his pants...all while trippin' on acid. Marvel, here I come!)

"ACID BOY."
(even if you say something really stupid, the best thing to do is just act like it's the coolest thing you've ever said.)

"ACID BOY, ACID BOY, ACID BOY!"
(or just repeat it three times. sometimes you can even repeat it in an accent. Jamaican, Italian...any one will do. here, I decided to do a British one. it all depends on your preference.)

"Shhhh!"
(that was ponytail-pssstttt-acid-judgemental-Acid Boy)

"Shhhh!"
(that was the libarian. I wonder if her lips ever get sore.)

"Shhhh!"
(I'm bettin' my money on Scrunchie Chick. We must not disturb her in the middle of the suspenseful decision of who will watch The Tompson Twins this weekend. Will it be Dawn...or Stacey?)

"Fine."

"Really? That's it?"

"If you don't want acid, then I can't waste any more of my lunchtime with you. I got clients. Clients in need. Clients in need of a fix."

"Like Fanny Pack Fred over there?"

"Do not joke. Drugs are not a laughing matter. They are a way of life."

"Yes, well. Sorry to have wasted your time. Goodbye now."

"How 'bout some weed instead?"

2 comments:

Scarrlett78 said...

I remember days like these, as if weed is any better than acid lol... when i was in school they did the same thing(although it was not in the library. it's unbelievable that people seriously start a drug conversation but they do...

Amalia said...

Too funny! I'm a teacher and my students were just asking me what I was reading that was so funny. I didn't tell them - let them discover your awesomeness on their own! Plus, this way they won't get it when I call them Acid Boy. Ha! Nice post.

~Amalia~