Saturday, May 2, 2009

An Alleged Piss

It may be an awkward place to eavesdrop on conversations, but I have come to the conclusion that it may also be the best place for such an activity.

Bathroom. Bathroom STALLS.

You never know what you may hear as you're sitting on the toilet takin' a whizz. No one can see you, unless they're pulling the same stunt most Kindergartners pulled back when I was kid (approaching random stalls and putting their face up to the crack of the door, so as you are urinating you see an eye peering at you and you say, "HEY! STOP!" or you giggle and say, "HEY! Hehe...STOP!" but they never do, until they hear you flush. Some Kindergartners never snap out of said hobby. They, later on in life, are known as creepers.)

So I'm sitting there, in the stall, minding my own business as well as conducting my own, when two girls walk in.

"So, dude, I like, come home, and like, I go to my bed, and there's piss right on my bed."

"Dude, that's disgusting!"

"Yeah man, I was like, WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Fuck piss, man!"

"Yeah dude, especially on beds and shit!"

"Yeah dude, that's where you like, sleep."

"Yeah, like sometimes I put my face on my pillow, and that's gross, man, if there's like, piss on my pillow."

"That's like, piss on your face, dude!"

"Yeah, dude, that's what I'm sayin'!"

"Keep your cat out of your room, man."

"Nah dude, this was NOT cat piss."

"But you don't have any other pets, man."


"Dude, what?"

"This was HUMAN piss, man."


"HUMAN piss."

"Dude, there's no way there was human piss on your bed."

"Yeah man, I'm sure of it."

"Man, really? I mean, you're like, sure sure?"

"This was no animal piss."

"Dude, gross!"

"Yeah, I know my fuckin' pisses, man. This was definitely the piss of a human."

"Your dad?"

"Nah, man! My dad pisses in the toilet!"

"Your mom?"

"Her, too!"

"Well shit! Who do you think pissed on your bed?"

"I don't know, man! That's what's so scary about it!"

"Dude, you're sayin' like, some random dude took a piss on your bed?"

"Yeah, dude! I don't know how they got in there!"


"I'm just lyin' in some stranger's piss, man!"

"Some human stranger's piss!"

"Yeah, man, human piss is the worst."

I personally have never examined either type of urine closely enough to be able to compare and contrast the two, but from what I hear, this girl knows her pisses, and from what she was implying, a random stranger, who was human nonetheless, broke into her house, took a piss not only in her toilet, which would be weird enough, but on her bed, then left after this alleged piss, and didn't even realize that the bed he had randomly decided to break into a house to piss on was the bed of a girl who knows her fuckin' pisses.

And now, for eavesdropping purposes, I know which fuckin' stalls to pop a squat in.

1 comment:

melina custer said...

bahahahahaa.thats was me talking about someone pissing in my bed.
my cousin had actually done it.haha,your blogs are awesome.bahah.and i could tell it was human piss because all of my dogs weree outside...and it was done in a box on my bed....