Thursday, May 14, 2009

Have A Great Summer

"Have a great summer."

Look, if this is what you're planning on writing in someone's yearbook, don't write in it. Quickly scribbling, "have a great summer" or, "have a great summer!!!" or "have a GREAT summer" is perhaps the worst thing you could ever write. You might as well be writing:

"I don't give a shit if I ever see you again!"


"I'm trying to get through this quickly so I can sign someone's yearbook I actually
want to sign!"


"What I really wanted to write was just my name, but I felt bad, so I'm now telling you to have a great summer, and then writing my name!"

or maybe even,

"Fuck you."

They're all the same. I understand if someone you don't really know, or don't really like, or someone you've never seen before in your entire life, asks you to sign their yearbook and you don't know what to say. But think about this, if someone you don't really know is asking you to sign their yearbook, it's not because you're the most popular person in school, it's because they're the most unpopular person in school and therefore about 99% of the people who will end up signing their yearbook will in fact be writing something as lame as "Have a nice summer," so do you really want to contribute to them showing their senior yearbook to their kids with 26 million, "Have a nice summers" and their kids automatically knowing just how much of a loser they were, or even more awkwardly, their kids asking, "Why did everyone want your summer to be so great?" and then them bursting into tears because high school proved to be the stereotypical worst years of their life? NO. DON'T DO THAT. There are many alternatives you can write in a stranger's yearbook that don't involve the words "summer" in them,but before I get into those, I have just thought of some other things you should avoid when found in this situation.


"I may not know you that well, but..."

You might as well just put, "I may not know you that well, but...I'm about to make up something about how nice you seem because "nice" is a common adjective."


"We're finally graduating!"

Wait, what?! WE'RE GRADUATING?! Come on. Don't write something that's just incredibly obvious. That's like writing, "You are a girl!" I mean, what? Shut the fuck up that's what.


Your name, (and only your name.)

It's just rude.

But, here are some things you COULD write in a loner's yearbook:

"You have always intrigued me, but I never got the chance to know you."

Sure, it's a little creepy, but it would make them feel special and it's not like you're ever going to see them again. (Unless they pull a Felicity on you and follow you to college.)

"You have wonderful -----"

Fill in the blank with a body part. You'll want to put something like "eyes" or "hair," not something like "package" or "rack." Those are not good compliments and will be showed to other people which, yes, will in fact alter your reputation right before graduation, which is something you would not want. (Unless you share the same views as Joan Jett.)

"I never told you, but I have been deeply in love with you since the moment I saw you."

Sure it's a lie, but are they gonna know? Think of how happy you'll make them! And once again, this is the last time you'll ever see them, so it doesn't even matter. (Unless they pull a Robert DeNiro and cling on to the bottom of your car.)

Of course, I'm sure we'd all just prefer if random people didn't come up to us saying, "HEY! CAN I SIGN YOUR YEARBOOK!" or, "HEY! CAN YOU SIGN MY YEARBOOK!" (which means you have to give them yours to sign; it's an unwritten yearbook rule; everyone knows it). Then, when you're all intrigued like, "Oh...I wonder why he randomly asked to sign my yearbook..." and you open it up to see, "Have a great summer!", you're not fuckin pissed for the rest of the day because a whole page was dedicated to 20 different "Have a great summers" in 2 different colored inks. DON'T ask to sign someone's if you're gonna bullshit your "message," because what goes around comes around, my friends, which yes, does include yearbook signings. But yes, I do understand freezing up and writing something awkward, but at least have it be original. I will now end this with something I wrote today, because I didn't know what the fuck to say.


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