Thursday, March 20, 2008

Boing Me, Baby

Maybe I was sick of being asked if I picked my fro. Maybe I was tired of people asking me if I was Jewish. Maybe I was annoyed with people asking me if they could boing my curls. Maybe I was just in need of a change. I don't know what it was, but something one day told me I should straighten my hair. Not a big deal, right? I'm just changing up the 'do, it's not permanent or anything. Just a 'do change. An 'do update, I should say. It's not like I would never wear my hair curly again. I love being a white girl with a 'fro. It's rare. It's unique. It's frolicious. And I can get away with it, because according to some I have a "black name." (it's Russian, but who cares? I don't mind being a homegurl.) Of course, with all major changes come negative and positive responses.

"It makes you look older."
(Thank you? You know those certain statements people make about you where you don't know if it's a compliment or just a mere observation? For instance: "You got a haircut!"
Thank you? Man I hate those.)

"It makes your face look fatter."
(This is
not one of those statements. This is just rude.)

"Look at those cute little chipmunk cheeks!"
(As if using the adjectives "cute" and "little" make the term "chipmunk cheeks" any less insulting.)

"You look like a
(Hey girls! Forget those rumors you've heard about weighing 100 pounds and being 6 feet tall! All you have to do is press a hot iron to your hair and
BAM! Cover of Vogue, here I come!)

"Your hair isn't curly anymore!"
(No shit, Sherlock.)

"Did you do something different to your hair?"
(No. It's just
really greasy.)

After straightening my hair for a good number of weeks, I could feel a few family members start to tense up about this new change. Was I rebelling? Would I start smoking the reefer? What would come next? Sex? Candy?

"Hey Natasha! So I was thinking..."

"What, Dad?"

"I had an idea for this weekend!"

"Movies? Bowling? Ice skating?"

"I was thinking...this weekend. You. Me. Just a thought..."

"Roller skating? Ping Pong? B-ball?"

"We could try you going curly again. Yeah, yeah? What do you think? Great idea, or WHAT?"

"That's not really an

"Just a thought. Just you know, sleep on it some, and let me know what you think. You don't have to give me an answer now."

" know that would just involve me taking a shower? It's not really a father-daughter activity..."

"Yeah, but after you wash your hair, I thought...just a could
not straighten it. Yeah, yeah? Just goin' out on a limb here. Sleep on it. Get back to me whenever. No biggie. Just a thought."

So I decided to go curly for awhile. Just
pleasin' the folks, you know? Of course, after wearing it straight for so long, some people had forgotten I had curly hair.

"You look younger."
(You should see me with pigtails and a diaper!)

"Your face looks thinner."
(It's the

"Look at those cute, little chipmunk cheeks!"
(I get this one no matter how I wear my hair.)

"Your hair isn't straight anymore!"
(What? This is the straightest it's ever been!
That one will confuse the hell out of them.)

"Did you do something different to your hair?"
(Washed it.)

"Do you pick your 'fro?"
"Are you Jewish?"
"Can I
boing your curls?"

Back to straight I went. I just couldn't handle people asking me if they could boing me. As if I was some kind of slinky. I considered going bald, but what would people say about my cheeks then?


kittenpie said...

Take it from someone who grew up with chipmunk cheeks - bald is not a good option. You'll only look like the Gerber baby. but by your late 20s? You'll suddenly grow cheekbones. I know! Amazing, right? Could have used them a decade earlier, but still.

(And yes, I'm here by way of Lindsay.)

Carrie said...

I feel your pain! My hair didn't relax it's curl until I was 30. You lucky you can straighten your hair, I can never manage it. I've had it done professionaly and it still wouldn't stay unfrizzed.

Maggie said...

I know exactly what you mean about your dad! When I went off to college I started to wear my hair straight. I like it better that way, but my dad mourned the loss of his curly haired daughter. No I wear it whatever way I feel like. It's great to have the freedom to go either way.

The Source said...

And I thought my daughter was the only one who got "boinged" at school! I guess people think curls are an automatic invite to stick their fingers in people's hair??

Great start on your blog!

Samurai Beetle said...

I just laughed myself into an asthma attack with this blog. I also have ridiculously curly hair and the few days per year I straighten it get the strangest comments. One year I cut it so short and spiky that curls were flattened out and when it grew back, people were confused I had curly hair.

Lily said...

Curly hair rocks!
We Curly girls should be proud, but you seem like you already are.
May I suggest this page:

The Holy Grail for Curlies!
I love your Blog.