Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The One with the Schnoz

It's a simple fact: people gossip. Things like "proof" and "evidence" are never necessary when it comes to gossip, because everyone is willing to believe. I would just like to dedicate this post to a girl who was gossiped about for months because of a rumor my friend and I had spread. Laura---I'm sorry we told everyone you were a lesbian. But I still think you're a hanus bitch.

"You know Christey Buchanan?"

"Hate her."

"You know Carl Vines?"

"SO cute."

"Too short."

"New haircut."

"Well. They hooked up."

"Doesn't Carl have a girlfriend?"

"They broke up."

"She said it was "mutual." "

"But really he dumped her."

"She cheated on him."

"With Chris Jones."

"SO cute."

"Too buff."

"On steroids."

"But doesn't Christey have a boyfriend?"


"Five months so far."

"But she cheated on him."

"Last Saturday."

"With Carl Vines."

"At Lily's party."

"Killer party."

"And they did it."


"Apparently it's the way to go."

"But he was drunk."

"Hella drunk."

"And he puked on her."

"All over her back."

"And they KEPT GOING."

Personally, I like to catch up on my gossip 4th period. Really just because I sit by people who know the shit to know. And I like to know that shit.

"Remember that girl from the party Friday night?"

"Leslie Putnam?"

"The one with the schnoz."

"Did you see her grinding on Elliot?"

"Elliot West?"

"The one with the curls."

"It was only one dance."



"Not even a good song."

"Number six on the charts."

"Well. When they were done, he turns to him and says, "You're really hard."

"And he just stands there."

"He was drunk."

"For the first time."


"And then she says, "I LIKE IT."

"And winks."

"Which she's not even good at."

"Not as good as Tina Stabin."

"That girl can wink."

"Yeah, but she got butt implants."

"Cost 2 grand."

"Her aunt payed for it."

"Cause her mom's in jail."

"Coke dealer."

"Well. Did you see the guy Leslie was dancing with before?"

"The one with his hand on her crotch?"


"What about him?"

"Just that he had his hand on her crotch."

"For three straight songs."


We're addicted. We need gossip like we need underwear. ALWAYS. (well, in most cases) There are those who create it, those who spread it, and those who just soak it all in. But we all feed off it. The real question is: are the ones who spread it just as guilty as the ones who create it? Are the ones who listen at a fault? Will we ever learn to tune out the gossip? Is doggy style really the way to go? We may never know. (most of us, anyway)

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