Will Work For Beer

There I stood, surrounded. I looked to the right; it was there. I looked to the left; it was there. An anonymous male walked by me, and then it was there. On my shirt. On my shoes. Suddenly in my hand. Suddenly in both hands. It was there.

Beer.

There I remained standing. There I continued to look around me. They were everywhere. They were coming in. They were going out. They were right in front of me. They were in my peripheral vision. They were unavoidable.

Polos.

I think we all know where one can find beer and polos uniting together into one, one big Polo-Beer-ConCOCKtion...

Frat Parties.

I'm finally growing up! I'm finally a woman! I finally know what it feels like to get hit on by a guy wearing an upside down visor! Natasha's First Frat Party. That's right, moments that will go down in history need to be capitalized. I would like to say it was "the first one of many more to come..." but now that I stop and think about it that is just not what I want to say at all.

It all started when a friend and I asked where the bathroom was.

"Second door to your right."

We open the door and start to walk in.

"Why are there urinals in the ladies' room?"

"Hello ladies..."

"AHHHHHH!"

After seeing 4 dudes taking a piss, I spend the next hour listening to drunk girls talk my ear off.

"OH MY GOD EVERYONE HERE IS SO NICE!"

Because they're drunk, you idiot.

"OH MY GOD THE FRAT BOYS HERE ARE SO NICE!"

Because they're trying to get in your pants, you idiot.

"OH MY GOD COLLEGE IS SO---"

Nice?

"NICE!"

You predictable little fucker.

I soon regretted walking away from Drunk Girl #1 when I encountered Horny Asshole #457.

"Hey, do you have any gum?"

"I got somethin' better than gum..."

OH DO YOU.

"Well I just want some gum."

"I'm telling you, I got somethin' even better than gum."

Look dude, I get it. You're talking about your penis. Big whoop. Judging by your height I would say it's more of a small whoop. Either way, I don't give a fuck.

"Yeah. Okay. Goodbye."

The worst thing about that is I see that guy EVERYWHERE now.

Then, all of a sudden, a group decision is made.

"WE'RE GOING TO ANOTHER PARTY!"

"YEAHHHHH BABYYYYY WOOOOO!"

And everyone starts leaving. I follow. Though I don't usually support blindly following hoards of wasted under aged people carrying beers down a public street, I felt it was the college thing to do.

We finally get there.

"You can't come in we're full get out of here."

"BACK TO THE OTHER PARTY!"

"YEAHHHHH BABYYYYY WOOOOO!"

Good god.

Well. That's it. No girls wrestling in pudding. (That's on Monday.) No beer pong competitions. (That's on Tuesday.) No more frat parties for me...

OKAY I ADMIT IT I HAD A REALLY FUN TIME AND DESPITE ALL THE WALKING ERECTIONS I REALLY ENJOY FRAT PARTIES AND A LOT OF THE FRAT BOYS WERE ACTUALLY REALLY COOL GUYS AND YES I'LL BE GOING BACK I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW.