Thursday, January 22, 2009

Fudge Ball

Girl meets Guy. Girl is a non-stop-chit-to-the-chat-dimwitted-little-dare-I-say-it-fudge-ball. Guy is deaf.

Girl asks Guy to be her boyfriend. Guy nods.

Girl asks Guy what he is getting her for Valentine's Day. Guy shrugs.

Girl tells interpreter to tell Guy that she wants his number. Guy tells interpreter it's pointless to get his phone number. Girl says, "Oh yeah!" I say, "Dumb bitch."

Girl tells interpreter to ask Guy if he has
texting. Guy tells interpreter to tell Girl that he can't text her because he doesn't know how to write English.

It gets even more ridiculous.

Girl asks Guy for a hug. Interpreter is not present. Guy doesn't understand and so he walks away.

Girl asks Guy to go on a date with her. Interpreter is not present so Guy shakes his head. I know he is shaking his head because he doesn't understand what she is trying to convey. Girl thinks he is shaking his head saying, "No, I will not go on a date with you." Girl becomes upset.

Girl stares at Guy. Guy stares at girl. I begin to think this is more of a physical-attraction-type-thing.

Guy gives girl a teddy bear. Girl gives guy chocolates. Guy is allergic to chocolates but Girl doesn't know this since she doesn't know much about Guy at all since they never talk and so she becomes offended when he doesn't eat her poisoned chocolates.

Guy eats chocolates to be nice. Girl gives him a hug. Guy starts sweating
profusely. Girl stops hugging him and says, "Ewww." Good thing he can't hear her rude remarks about his phermones.

I ask Girl what she likes about Guy. I assume she will not tell me the actual truth and say, "I'm dating him so everyone will think I'm a saint who's not shallow and sees people for who they really are and maybe MTV will put me on a reality show about dating a deaf guy 'cause I'm retarded and that would be even cooler than being on Rock of Love BUS." Girl doesn't. Girl says, "He's nice...he has blue eyes...

Lots of people have blue eyes, you dimwit. If you're looking for blue eyes, why don't you go find yourself a Nazi?

I decide not to judge. Maybe they have a connection. Maybe they're
soul mates. Maybe they love each other so much, they don't HAVE to speak. Just their presence is enough. I feel ashamed for judging.

Girl dumps Guy.

I ask Girl why she dumped Guy.

"Girl says, "I needed more

Random Fellow says, "Like someone who could talk? HA!"

Girl says, "Well YEAH!"

Girl is a non-stop-chit-to-the-chat-dimwitted-little-dare-I-say-it-fudge-ball for the rest of her life.

The End.

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