Friday, January 8, 2010

Bye Bye Boredom!

I have returned to UTC only to be presented with the pleasant surprise of not having a new roommate. My initial reaction to this news?

WOO HOO!
As I jump up and down on my bed.

THIS IS GREAT!
As I jump back and forth from my bed to the currently-unoccupied bed, which I have now claimed as "the bed I never had."

FUCK!
As I fall off the bed.

YAY!
As it hits me that it is now quite alright for me to fall off of my bed since no one is here to see it.

After 5 straight days of sitting in my room alone, my reaction to this newly granted solitude dramatically changed.

"Hmmm..."
As I sit staring at my computer.

"Well then..."
As I sit staring at the wall.

"What to do, what to do..."
As I sit talking to my reflection in the mirror.

I don't know how the hell Thoreau did it. It's been a mere 5 days and I feel like I'm going mad. Soon I'll be yelling at my lampshade for not caring about my feelings and threatening to murder my blinds in the night. While I am perfectly alright with driving myself insane, I do not find it best to recommend it to any others. And so, simply because I care, I have compiled a list of things to do while you're alone. And bored. And have been staring at your reflection for two straight hours making the same 9 facial expressions you invented in the first 5 minutes of staring at yourself.

Bye Bye Boredom!
A Guide To Feeling Productive When Really You've Just Been Sitting In A Room All Day
by: Natasha Ferrier

#1---Do you ever think your vocabulary could be a bit more broad? Do you ever want to express a feeling but don't know the proper word for it? Do you ever feel as if you say the word "fuck" a lot? Well, sound like a moron no more! When you're alone, read the dictionary! Here are a few useful terms I myself have come across:

quibbling: consisting of quibbles
Well that helps, doesn't it! I would have never thought that quibbling had anything to do with quibbles! And even though I don't know what a 'quibble' is, I do know now that quibbling consists of them!

kumquat: a small, round or oblong citrus fruit having a sweet rind and acid pulp
Silly me! This whole time I have always thought that 'kumquat' was a synonym for, ahem, VAGINA, when really, it's just an oblong fruit that's juicy on the outside and acidic on the inside!

beyonce: ???
Okay, so this one is not defined in the dictionary, but do you know what is defined in the dictionary? "Taco." So what I'd like to know is how "beyonce" made it into t9 and "taco" did not. Please. Someone tell me.

#2---Ever wondered how many fingers you have? Well, when you're alone and bored, try counting them! It doesn't take long, and when you're done, you'll have immediate results!

#3---Place your bed directly alongside your window. Then, as you stand on top of your bed, look out of your window. ISN'T IT FUN?! If you stare long enough, you may even see some drunken jackass run into your car 4 times as they try to parallel park in front of it at 3 in the morning! Aren't you having a good time watching your 98 Vovlo get hit over and over again by someone who has NO IDEA you're watching?!

(Yeah. It happened. And yeah, I went out there to confront their wasted ass. But that story shall be saved for another day.)

#4---See how many pieces of gum you can fit into your mouth! It's such a blast! Especially when your mouth gets full and you start gagging, because then you'll slobber your chewed gum out onto the keyboard of your laptop, which now leaves room to fit some more pieces in your mouth!

#5---Make a video that has no purpose and is slightly inappropriate!


video


I hate to stop here; there are bountiful amounts of ways to fool yourself into thinking you're intelligently occupying yourself, but I'm on a tight schedule. And now, if you would excuse me, I have some walls that need to be stared at.



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