Window Pain

People of the world! May I have your attention! If I had a wine glass I'd be hitting it with a spoon! Yes, I'm that serious right now! Attention, people, please, PLEASE if I could just have your attention for just a moment! Contrary to what many of you seem to believe, I keep my window open for the fresh air; NOT to hear what strangers have to say on the street! I repeat: I like the breeze and the sound of the wind, NOT what you random nobodies want to yell to the world because no one else will actually listen to you! I see now why they don't listen, but that does not mean I care to listen myself! It actually makes me care even less about you! And who, you wonder, does that include exactly? Well, I am here to tell you!

Angry Man

Angry Man, I do not keep my window open to hear you, as loud as you possibly can, bitch about the snow.

"EVERYBODY'S GOING FUCKING CRAZY CAUSE IT'S FUCKING SNOW! FUCKING TENNESSEANS!"

Hmmm...looks like you're the one who's going crazy there, buddy.

Drunk Girl

Drunk Girl, I do not keep my window open to hear your belligerently-wasted ass fall flat on that same ass and then alert the masses about it.

"I JUST FELL ON MY ASS HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Doing things you'll regret the next morning do seem quite hilarious at the time, don't they?

Lost Boy

Lost Boy, I would be quite fine with you being outside my window if you were the kind of lost boy who wore a leather jacket and sucked people's blood, but you are not and never will be since you missed that chance back in 1987. You, unfortunately, are the kind of lost boy who is just plain lost, and who happens to be lost, and shit-faced, right outside of my window.

"Where's room 3..."

"Room 3?"

"Yeah, room 4..."

"Room 4?"

"NO GOD DAMMIT! I SAID ROOM 3!"

"Room 3?"

"3 or 4..."

"Uh, there is no room 3."

"I mean room 33..."

"Room 33?"

"WHERE'S ROOM 33 I SAID?!"

"There is no room 33..."

"Oh, well...room 333..."

"333?"

"Yeah, 333."

"There is no room 333..."

"I NEED TO GET TO ROOM 333 THEY HAVE MY ALCOHOL!"

I don't think you need any more alcohol there. Ya dumbass.

Puking Woman

Puking Woman, I know it happens to the best of us, but the best of us like to keep our puke to ourselves, not share it with the world.

"I need to puke."

"Okay, well we're almost to the room, just hold it in."

"No, no, I need to puke now."

"Our room is RIGHT THER---"

BLEH!

Hey, you managed to make it right in the smack-dab middle of the sidewalk! Good for you! It's not like sidewalks are frequently used or anything! It's not like anyone WALKS there or anything! At least not now, not after you poured your yellow bile all over it! You disgusting wench.

Horny Dudes

Horny Dudes, I'm sorry no one ever cared to teach you this lesson, but you don't get what you want by yelling it out to nobody in particular.

"DUDE I NEED SOME PUSSY SO BAD!

"YEAH MAN I KNOW WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PUSSY?"

"THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME PUSSY AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE!"

What an intelligent assumption. I'm sure a smart boy like you will eventually find what you're looking for. As long as you pay for it.

Friend Who Called Me

Friend Who Called Me, I know technically you do not count as one of the people outside of my window since my phone was inside, but then again, you technically were not in my room and so, yes, I assume you were in fact outside of my window, somewhere out there in the world. I am sorry I did not answer your call, but I was in the middle of making a pointless video just to hear myself speak in a random accent. I have NOT included this video because it was 6 minutes of rambling, but I promise you will see me speak in an unknown accent one of these days.