I was cleaning my room the other day - which really means I was doing everything except cleaning my room. Whenever I decide to clean, I go through some sort of Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde transformation. The word "cleaning" sends some sort of signal to my brain that makes it think I just snorted six lines of coke. This is how it goes:
"That yarn is in the middle of the floor. I'll pick it up and move it over --- I'M GOING TO KNIT AN ENTIRE SCARF!"
"That VHS tape is out of its box. I'll put it the box and --- ALPHABETIZE ALL OF MY VHS TAPES!"
"That cereal box should be in the trash can. I'll throw it --- ONTO MY DESK AND MAKE A CHEST OF DRAWERS OUT OF RECYCLED MATERIALS!"
"My textbooks are scattered all across my bed. --- I'M GONNA GO ON A DRIVE!"
Five hours later, and my room is just as messy as it was when I started - it's just a different mess. Cleaning my room really means rearranging my mess into a new kind of mess. The books on my bed become the books on the floor while the clothes on the floor become the clothes on my bed. Ah, the problems of being a middle-class American.
ANYWAY (see? I'm not even cleaning and I got off-track), as I was rearranging my mess the other day, I came across all of my childhood journals. We're talking eight or nine total, beginning at age nine. Yes! I thought, I will be the next Anne Frank! I will publish these, make millions, and --- yeah that's it. That's as far as my thought process went before I opened them and began reading my first journal.
July 15, 2000
What's up Journal?
Let's party! P-A-R-T-Why? Because we gotta! It's from the movie Mask. I'm on page 254 in Harry Potter. I don't want to go back to school. Oh well. REMINDER (to myself) Moral - Get Jiggy with IT!
Titan A.E. (after Earth) was AWESOME! COOL! RADICAL! TUBULAR!
P.S. Katrina and I are fighting and Dad's asleep.
July 16, 2000
Marie Joan invited Katrina and I to have lunch. First, we had lunch. It was a omelet, toast, and potato thingies. And of course, good, strong milk. I didn't like the omelet that much. But just to be nice I took about 7 bites.
I do want to be an actress and director when I grow up and all. But just to make a little bit more money (or a lot bit more money) I could own a fashion place. And I could have something called Fashion Friday. I'm tired. Well, not exactly, more like I'm a little sleepy. STRETCH!!!!!!!! YAWN!!!!!! Just joking Journal. The three J's!
July 17, 2000
Good morning Journal!
I defintley feel like reading Harry Potter today. I'm on - nevermind. Momma mowed the lawn today. To be continued...T.J. Maxx was awesome! I got blue sparkly bellbottoms. And underwear. Of course.
July 18, 2000
Mommy is having a bad hair day. I got the Who Wants to be a Millionair phone number. 1-800-433-8321. Cool isn't it. I think Cheetos, Doritos, and Fritos are all the same company.
July 19, 2000
Allison called. We talked for awhile. I told her I dumped Rick. This is why. 1. He said Harry Potter looked like a geek. 2. He always flirts with Kimberly. 3. He never had the guts to give me a kiss. 4. Once, I never truly noticed it but he drew a picture of Hannah's butt. Now that's disgusting!
Dad took us to Cracker Barrel. While we were eating, dad saw someone and he told us to look but don't stare. We looked around and saw a man who was a midget with a hunchback and a bone sticking up at the side. It was really sad. After that, we played checkers.
P.S. I had only two popsicles today! It's a World Wide Record!
July 22, 2000
We decided to have Wendy's for lunch. Whoops! Dad just passed it. He will have to turn around. Oh-oh, I mean Uh-oh. This road is going on forever! Oh my gosh, finally there's a turn! But it's a illegal U-turn! Dad asked us if he should do it. He asked if there's any cops around. We said yes you should do it. And we said no there are no cops. So Dad did it. No one saw us though. LET'S nevermind.
July 25, 2000
Allison called me to tell me she'll call me in a minute.
I want to have a calm day. I don't know why. Be right back. I'm just going to get some food...YUM! Those gummies were good!
Dad called and said, nevermind.
July 31, 2000
Hola is hello in Spanish. REMINDER (to self) Moral: Always have a bit of energy.
I wash my face everyday now. It works!
See ya later Alligator!
P.S. You are actually a journal, not a alligator.
After reading these journal entries, it struck me that I'm just as ADD as I was 13 years ago. And my journals will probably never be published because, nevermind. GET JIGGY WITH IT!