Why did I drink a 5-hour energy at 11:00pm on a Sunday night? Seriously. Why. Answer me.
Back in October, I was walking to the gas station with my sister. I live about three blocks from it, and it was a beautiful afternoon, so we decided to stroll it. Suddenly, we hear something.
"AY! AY YOU!"
We turn around and see a large, tall man behind us. He is walking fast - too fast.
"COME HERE! YO! I SAID COME HERE!"
My sister and I immediately pick up the pace. This was a mutual decision that was made silently.
"SLOW DOWN! I SAID SLOW DOWN WHICH YO FINE ASS!"
"Should we run." My sister says this to me with her eyes fixed on the street ahead. I turn around to glance at the man.
He is running. Fast.
We both start running. I turn around once more, and the man is still chasing us.
"DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME! YOU HEAR ME? DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME!"
"Holy shit holy shit holy shit," my sister repeats.
Without thinking, I hand her my drink, swing my backpack off my shoulders, and open up the front pouch.
"WHACHU GRABBIN? WHACHU GRABBIN, HUH?"
I take out my pepper spray.
"YOU BETTUH NOT BE GITTIN' SUMPIN TO HURT ME! I SAID, YOU BETTUH NOT BE GITTIN SUMPIN TO HURT ME!"
I don't turn around this time. Instead, I hold the pepper spray above my head, as my sister and I continue to run, and I yell, "I AM! I AM!"
We reach the end of the block and turn around. The man is gone. We continue running until we reach the gas station parking lot.
"HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT!" my sister is screaming.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" I say in between breaths, bent over, holding my knees. My hands were shaking and so was my voice.
"THAT MAN WAS CHASING US!"
"IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING DAY!"
We both start laughing maniacally and shaking. I'm sure it looked like we were on drugs.
"HAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT HAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT!"
I use a different route now.
Where does a woman draw the line between "cougar" and "pervert?"
The internet is a confusing thing.
I google "definition of lie" and I get:
To tell a lie or lies.
What 5-year-old is working for this company?
I google image "lego" and I get:
One, who created naked legos? Two, what's the point in creating naked legos if you don't even give them the parts that make them naked? Three, if someone was born without a vv or a pp, can they technically ever be naked? Four, did God watch Adam and Eve do it? Five, do you really need a watering can in a forest?
I'm just so confused right now.