"So were those girls being catty toward you?" my friend asked me last night. I paused, already knowing that this conversation would include multiple exclamations of the words "oh" and "yeah."
"The girls who came over here last night."
"The two girls that none of us knew."
"Were they being rude to you?"
"Uh...I don't really remember them doing much of anything..."
"Well apparently they left because they were mad at you."
"Mad at me? They didn't even know me! That's dumb."
"Yeah that one girl got upset when you were rubbing her head."
"When I was --- wait, what?"
"You were rubbing that one girl's head."
"Hell, I don't know! That shit was funny, though!"
"Yeah they kept getting pissed cause you were messing with them. You were pulling on their ponytails and stuff."
"Yeah, so they left."
"Wait, no, I was pulling on that one girl's hair at the show we went to, not the girls who were here at the house."
"Man, I don't remember. I blacked out."
"Yeah, I woke up in the morning on one person's bed, and then saw my shoes near someone else's bed, and then that person said I fell asleep in their bed, woke up in the middle of the night, went to the other person's bed, and fell asleep there."
"Wait, how many beds?"
"I don't even know. I'm probably not making any sense right now."
It hit me that Goldilocks must have been fucking wasted when she bed-jumped at The Three Bear's house. That's something only drunk people do.
"Nah, you're fine, dude. All of us blacked out."
"Yeah, but that's what makes me nervous! I do fucking weird shit when I black out! That's why I rarely drink liquor!"
"Wait, like what kinda stuff?"
"The last time I blacked out, I suddenly came to. And I was naked. Trying to crawl inside of my refrigerator, thinking it was the bathroom."
"What the fuck!"
"Yeah! I don't know why my clothes were off or if any of my seven roommates, which I had at the time, saw me make my way to the fridge. I just regained consciousness and I was in the fridge without any clothes on."
"Yeah, that's why I don't drink LIQUOR. But I did last night. And I was bedroom-roaming, obviously. Your poor roommates, trying to go to bed and finding some drunk girl on their mattress."
"It's better than in the fridge."
"Very. Very. True."