Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Check Out the Mugs on That One

This Week's Conversations

Conversation #1

"Apartment maintenance, this is Shirley, how can I help you?"

"Hi, yes, I'm in Apartment B and my hot water has stopped working."

"And what time did this happen?"

"Time? Uh...about a week ago."

"Alright, ma'am, so you have not had hot water for a week?"


"Well the soonest we can get someone out there to fix it is tomorrow morning."

"Tomorrow morning? Can they not come tonight?"

"Well I'd have to wake someone up to do that."

"Wake someone up? What time is it?"

"It's 3am, ma'am."

"OH, sorry, I...uh...didn't check the clock..."

"It's fine. We'll have someone out there tomorrow."

"Yes, that's totally fine. Sorry again."

"For immediate service, you should call us when you first realize the problem you're having."

"RIGHT, yeah, I mean, it hasn't been a problem. I like cold water. I have hot blood."


"I MEAN, I'm warm-blooded or whatever. I mean, I guess all humans are...uh...I mean, I haven't gone a week without showering. I've still showered. I like cold showers."

"Alright, ma'am, we'll have someone out there in the morning. Anything else I can help you with?"

You could have helped me by hanging up the phone before I said, "I have hot blood." You could have helped me by not having your office open at 3 in the morning when I'm bored and have nothing to do besides call my apartment complex to let them know I've taken a few showers this week. And that I'm not a reptile.

"No, that's it. Thank you!"

"Have a nice night, ma'am. Goodbye."

Conversation #2

"Hi, I'm Randy, I'm here to turn your hot water back on."

"Hi! Yes, come in, come in."

"It looks like your water tank had a leak."

"Yeah, my apartment flooded for the second time."

"I'm going to test out the water pressure coming from this. Do you have a bowl I can use to put under the hose?"

"Uh...I actually don't own any bowls."

"Do you have an extra towel?"

"I only have one towel."

"Um...do you have a cup?"

"I have a mug? Does that work?"

"Yeah, that'll be fine."

"Oh shit...UH, they're all dirty. This is the only clean one I have...I apologize."


"It's from Goodwill. It's funny to me. Not actually something I like to look at. Just funny."


"...I'll be outside."

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