Friday, January 18, 2013

Haiku Hell

For those of you who don't know what a Haiku is, congratulations. You're really not missing out on much.

With that being said, I'm about to completely contradict myself and share some Haikus with you that I have written. Why did I write these? Because I hate Haikus. If you ask me, the Haiku was written by an incredibly lazy person who could only count to seven.

I looked up some of the most famous Haiku poems to share with you. That way, you'll be able to compare and contrast these pieces of shit to my own ingenious gems. Some of these don't even follow the typical 5-7-5 syllable pattern, which confuses me even more. Prepare yourself now as I take you to a little place called Haiku Hell.

Toward those short trees
We saw a hawk descending
On a day in spring.

- Shiki

This guy suffers from short-term memory loss and keeps forgetting that birds tend to fly around trees.

The day we saw the hawk
On a churchyard tree
A kite too
Was in the far sky.

- Hekigodo

This one copied the other guy and added a kite because he had just watched Mary Poppins.

The old pond;
A frog jumps in -
The sound of the water.

- Matsuo Basho

This guy has led a very uneventful life.

Okay, that's enough. I can't do this anymore. I can only imagine the brainstorming these people did for their poems.

Things That Are In The Sky Brainstorm

- clouds
- hawks
- kites
- some more sky

Adjectives To Describe A Pond Brainstorm

- old
- really old
- really really old
- pondy

Adjectives To Describe The Sky Brainstorm

- near
- far

I'm lucky in that I've had experiences that go beyond sitting and staring at things, giving me many a muse to motivate me for my own Haikus.

The Time I Was Sitting On The Floor Eating Cereal At A Friend's House

Midnight Frosted Flakes
Leave the lights off - crunch crunch crunch
Her mom stepped on me.

The Time I Had To Go To The Bathroom

Liquid warms my pants
Sweet release next to a friend
"You're in my car, man"

The Time I Dropped My Cigarette

Feel the burn, feel it
Clumsy fingers failed me then
A scar on my crotch.

The Time I Was In An Elevator And The Doors Opened For Someone Else To Get On

Nine in the morning
Stranger gasps - hand over mouth
I put my clothes on.

The Time I Watched A Video With A Friend

In front of MacBook
Should we watch it? Yes we should
Incest clown porno.

No comments: