Random Stories After My Cat Flashed Me
Story #1
me: Leeloo! Put that away!
cat: Meow.
me: No! That does not mean come over here.
cat: Meow, meow.
me: Stop it! Take you and your little penis away from me!
cat: Meow.
me: STOP LICKING IT.
cat: Meow, meow.
me: Go to the corner.
cat: Meow.
me: GET OFF MY FACE!
Story #2
I am being stalked by a homeless man in a purple V-neck.
If you're being stalked by a homeless man, you have three options. You either give him change, tell him you have none, or skip this whole charade and hand him a beer.
If you're being stalked by a man in a V-neck, you have two options. You either puncture his bicycle tires or tell him there's a huge sale on Fedoras down the street.
If you're being stalked by a man wearing purple, you have one option. You ask him where Baby Bop is.
But if you're being stalked by a homeless man in a purple V-neck, you have no options. No matter what you do, he will never. leave you. alone. I saw him four times in one day and since then, I see him everywhere, always asking me the same three things.
1. "Do you have a cigarette?"
2. "Are those bowling shoes?"
3. "Can you hear me?"
Story #3
Conversation I Overheard Today
guy 1: Hey, bro! Whachu been up to, man?!
guy 2: Livin the COLLEGE LIFE, bro!
guy 1: Same here, man! COLLEGE LIFE!
guys 1 and 2: COLLEEEEEEEEGE!
...freshman.
Story #4
Conversation I Had with the Indian Man Who Works at the Gas Station
man: Natashaaaaa...
me: Hey!
man: Natashaaaaa...
me: Hi...again.
man: My Natashaaaa...
me: ...
man: You are mine. My Natasha.
me: Ha...haha...
man: I wait for you all day. Finally you come. My Natashaaaaa...I like my Natasha.
...I think I need to start buying my Red Bull elsewhere.
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