Thursday, September 26, 2013

When You Accuse a Stranger of Stalking You

Fleeting Thoughts After I Scared Away a Walgreens Customer

Thought #1

To remember things, I usually type them out as a text in my phone and save it to Drafts. After realizing I had over thirty drafts, I decided to go through them all and delete the ones I don't need anymore. This dually serves as a reminder of my mental retardation.

Draft 1

Reminder: Socks are in the sock drawer.

This is how messy I am. I actually have to alert myself if my socks are not where they're supposed to be.

Draft 2

$1.23 left

This is how broke I am. I have to remind myself to not buy anything over a dollar.

Draft 3

Check your drafts.

And this is how dumb I am.

Thought #2

Everyone keeps talking about Miley Cyrus and I'm just over here thinking...dude...but Cher.

Thought #3

I see a lot of the same faces at the coffee shop I frequent. I don't necessarily know these people, I just know that they are there as often as I am. For instance, the middle-aged guy who always has a Mexican Coca-Cola and a book. The only thing we know about each other is that we are both capable of nodding our heads in recognition. That mutual gesture of, Yes, you come here everyday and sit for hours just like I do. with the underlying denotation of, We have no lives.

So the other day, I was sitting across from Mexi-Coke-Man for about four hours, when it was time for me to go. I packed up my stuff, walked out the door, and walked to Walgreens. As soon as I entered, there he was, checking out at the cash register (how he beat me there that fast is a mystery). Letting the six large cups of coffee control my actions, I impulsively walked up to him and shouted:

"Are you stalking me?!"

I was joking, of course. But it didn't cross my mind that this guy doesn't know me at all, and may not know that I was kidding. It also didn't cross my mind that I don't know him at all, so I didn't know he would take me so seriously. While I had anticipated a laugh or smile, all he did was purse his lips and shake his head no. Then he walked away, leaving the cashier staring at me, probably wishing The Random Paranoid Girl would not scare away her customers.

...I haven't seen him since.

Thought #4

me: I'm Croatian.

friend 1: I'm Norwegian.

friend 2: I'm French-Algerian.

friend 3: I'm drunk.

...stay tuned for the next episode of "Bowling Night," also known as, "Getting Drunk on a Wednesday."

Thought #5

What Happens On My Days Off

(ring ring ring)

(or buzz buzz buzz? what kind of noises are phones making these days? we'll stick with 'ring' just to keep things simple.)

me: Hello?

sister: Hey, were you asleep?

me: Yeah, call me back in an hour or so.

(ring ring ring)

me: Hello?

sister: Sorry, were you still sleeping?

me: Yeah I'm getting up soon, though.

(ring ring ring)

me: Hello?

sister: Were you asleep?

me: Yeah, sorry.

sister: Dude. It's 4 o'clock.


Draft 4

Reminder: Get out of bed.

No comments: