Tuesday, July 16, 2013

A Cat in the Oven

Conversation I Had with My Cat Today

me: STOP IT.

cat: Meow.

me: I'M TRYING TO COOK.

cat: Meow, meow.

me: GET OFF THE STOVE. THERE IS NOTHING FOR YOU HERE.

cat: Meow!

me: SINCE WHEN DO YOU LIKE EGGS.

cat: Meow, meow, meow!

me: LIES! WE BOTH KNOW YOU'VE NEVER EVEN TASTED AN EGG BEFORE.

cat: Meow.

me: No. You would not like them.

cat: Meow, meow.

me: No, you would not like them on a train. And you would not like them on a plane. Since when do you have all these plans to travel anyway? Where is this money coming from?

cat: Meow!

me: I SAID GET OFF THE STOVE.

cat: Meow, meow!

me: DON'T BITE ME.

cat: Meow.

me: No, not you ow. ME. Ow. My ankle is bleeding, you bastard.

cat: Meow.

me: That's it. Get in the oven.

cat: Meow.

me: GET IN THE OVEN.

cat: Meow.

me: Oh, you don't want to get in the oven? And why is that, I wonder?

cat: Meow, meow.

me: BULLSHIT! We both know you don't want to get in the oven because of the last time you jumped in the oven!

cat: Meow.

me: Look. You have two options here. You either get off the stove, or you get in the oven.

cat: Meow.

me: LICKING THE POCAHONTAS CUP WAS NOT AN OPTION.

cat: Meow, meow.

me: Great. Now there are cat hairs in my cup.

cat: Meow?

me: YOU KNOW I DON'T OWN ANY PLATES.

cat: Meow, meow?

me: YOU KNOW I DON'T OWN ANY BOWLS, EITHER.

cat: Meow.

me: You did this on purpose.

cat: Meow.

me: You don't respect me.

cat: Meow, meow.

me: Please. Just get in the oven.


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